Back-to-school season is here, and with it a perfect opportunity for parents to be thinking about and planning for the future with their children in mind. Beyond school supplies, juggling schedules and managing all of the after school activities, it's important for parents to be planning ahead to ensure their children are covered if something unexpected were to happen.
This article offers a guide for parents in considering how to incorporate estate and end-of-life planning tools throughout important parenting milestones—infants & toddlers, elementary & middle school children and high school students.
Overcoming Overwhelm: Heartfelt Guidance for Parents
As a death doula and end-of-life planner, I often witness how important life milestones (like having children) changes how one thinks about or prepares for the future - because now there’s more on the line than just you. It can also be quite overwhelming to consider a scenario in which something were to happen to you or those you love. Sometimes those fears or worries can stop you from taking proactive steps to prepare in advance. These blocks (which can show up as procrastination or avoidance) happen not because you don’t care or understand the importance of making these decisions, but because you care so much that it’s hard to think about or talk about. This is a very normal and human response!
Just as sending a baby to daycare or your eldest off to college can feel scary at first, so can planning for the future. My goal is helping families start meaningful (sometimes emotional) conversations and make informed decisions that honor their personal values and wishes for their children while also protecting their futures.
This begins with basic estate planning documents like a:
When you have children, and as we will explore below, naming a legal guardian is critical.
Remember, once you can move past the initial overwhelm, taking action and planning ahead can offer peace of mind and a sense of emotional readiness for both you and your children - which is the ultimate gift you can give to those you love.
Infants and Toddlers
As a new parent, leaving your child in daycare or with a new caregiver can be an emotional rollercoaster. It’s understandable to have worries and anxiety about how they will adjust to this change and whether they’re being taken care of with the same love and attention that you would provide.
Similarly, deciding who would step in to care for your child as a legal guardian if you couldn’t be there is a major decision and it’s only natural to want to make the right choice.
When considering potential guardians with an infant or toddler, think about who would best fit your child’s needs at this stage of life. At this age, you might pick someone who has the energy to chase them around or has recent experience caring for young kids. As your child grows, their needs will change, and it's perfectly okay to rethink and modify your choice if it makes sense.
Other Considerations When Choosing a Guardian:
Resources and Capacity: Does the potential guardian have the necessary resources and capacity to care for your child? This can include financial stability, time availability, and the emotional bandwidth to take on this role should they need to.
Location: Does the guardian live in a place where you would want your child to be raised? Will your child need to be uprooted or will they be moving down the street? Will they be close to your extended family? Do you care about them being raised in a city versus the country, or the Midwest versus the East Coast? These will all have an impact on their schooling, social and political environment, and overall upbringing.
Flexibility: Remember, your initial choice in guardian doesn’t have to be permanent. It’s alright to choose a guardian who fits your circumstances now and can be adjusted as needed. Guardians can move, change life paths or careers, or your relationship with them may change. It’s ok to update your wishes about who will take on this role if and when you need to.
Communication and Consent: Talk to your potential guardians about the responsibility and make sure they understand what you’re asking of them. This is a serious responsibility and one they will likely need to think about before accepting. It’s also important to talk to them about how you hope your child will be raised so you’re on the same page with respect to your wishes.
Make it Legal: Get your decision in writing through a will and consider setting up a trust to benefit your children. Also consider compiling an informal document of values and wishes and practical information like allergies, pediatrician info and daycare details, to help your guardian maintain consistency in parenting.
Elementary and Middle School Children
During elementary school and especially those challenging middle school years, it’s important to consider ongoing stability and continuity in your child’s life. This is a time when kids are forming core friendships, exploring more autonomy outside of the home, and developing a sense of belonging in their community.
One of the ways parents can maintain this sense of stability for their children is through estate planning. By naming a guardian who lives in your child's current community or with close family with whom they have a strong connection, you can help ensure that their social ties and schooling remain consistent. This can make a real difference in keeping their daily life and environment as familiar and stable as possible amidst any sudden change.
When navigating these decisions, it’s important to understand that both parents and children benefit from knowing there’s a plan in place. At this age, kids often start asking questions about death or what would happen to them if something were to happen to you. It’s important to be able to comfort them and address their worries with honest answers. Knowing that you have thought about it and that they will be taken care of by someone they know and love can give your child a sense of security. Establishing a legal guardian through estate planning ensures that your children will have continuous care and that your wishes for their future are honored.
High School Students
Entering high school or finally getting a driver’s license are major milestones for any teenager. Adulthood is on the horizon and your kids are testing out their freedom and independence. Whether they’re applying for college, choosing a skilled trade or starting their own business, it’s important to remind them to not only have fun in the present, but also be thinking about what’s ahead so they can feel prepared for life beyond home.
At this stage, parents should be reviewing their own estate plans but also making sure that their children have their own essential documents in place for when they turn 18. When they turn 18, your kids are legally responsible for making their own financial and medical decisions. Setting them up for success through education and helping them complete basic estate planning documents will ensure they are protected as they leave the nest.
Additional Planning Tips for Parents:
Set up a life insurance policy to provide financial support for your child if something should happen.
Consider establishing a trust, ensuring your child’s guardian or another trusted adult can manage financial matters until your child reaches an appropriate age to handle major financial decisions on their own.
Open a savings or education account for your child, like a 529 college savings plan (a gift for their future and can come with certain tax benefits).
Appoint beneficiaries (TOD’s) for your banking and investment accounts to avoid probate and to ensure that if something happens, you children and their guardians will have more immediate access to funds.
Get your digital life and assets organized, which can include having a digital password manager, setting up a legacy contact on your phone and an inactive account manager for your email.
Consider legacy projects, such as an ethical will to capture your important life moments, values and wishes to pass to the next generation or setting up an email account in your child's name to send them the occasional message, photo, and stories (sort of like a time capsule) they can look back on from different moments in their childhood.
Estate Planning for Young Adults
Whether your kid leaves the nest for college, gets their own apartment and a full-time job, or goes on an epic coming of age backpacking trip around the world, it is important that they have their own estate planning documents in place. Remember, as soon someone turns 18, they are legally responsible for themselves, including healthcare and financial decisions. If there is an accident and your child ends up in the hospital, you as a parent do not have a right to make time sensitive medical decisions for your children without express consent or a court order.
Having a simple plan in place is critical for young adults as they go out into the world and so that you can be there for them if something were to happen.
David Anderson, PLLC, gives a great description in his article Kids Going Away To College? Why You Should Include Estate Planning in the Preparation, of things to take care of before your kids go off to college (and certainly still applies if they’re skipping college and heading straight into the workforce):
A HIPAA Authorization: The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act was designed protect a patient’s privacy. Consider having your child signing an authorization so that—just in case—any necessary doctors can talk to you about your child’s condition, care, and treatment.
A Durable Financial Power of Attorney: This is a legal document that allows you to take care of your child’s checking or savings accounts, pay bills, etc., if the child’s unable to—whether due to illness or even just location (for example, if the school is on the other side of the country).
A Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare: Like the financial version, this allows you to handle medical decisions for your child, if your child is unable to do so.
A Will: At first glance, this may seem a little silly for the average broke college kid. But there could be a lot of hidden complexities: The average American has some 90 online accounts, for instance. Does your child have thoughts about who should manage and close down those social media accounts? Monitor emails? Who should get the Xbox or a bank account? It’s also a great time in your young adult’s life to instill responsibility by encouraging them to think about this early in life.
It’s natural to feel some nerves when your children go out on their own. You want them to thrive and feel like you’ve prepared them for independence but also still worry about them because they’re your baby at heart. Sit and talk with them on why planning is important and answering their questions about why they need to be thinking about this now. There may be resistance around ‘being too young’ or not understanding the real life scenarios where these documents come into place.
Be patient and know that it can be hard (for both parent and child) to think about. Giving them the tools and encouragement to prepare for the unexpected through basic end-of-life planning will allow you to take some of that worry away and give them the legal protection they need.
The Role of Estate Planning in Supporting Your Children’s Future
End-of-life and estate planning documents play an important role in your and your family’s future. Without that elusive crystal ball, we can’t predict what’s going to happen a year from now or 10 years from now, as much as we wish we could. This is what makes life both exciting and scary. The one thing we do know is that life doesn’t always go the way we think, and that we can take small actionable steps to help us feel prepared for those moments.
Making these decisions may feel overwhelming at first, but you’re not in this alone.
Ask other parents about how they’ve worked through these topics or how they’ve navigated the harder conversations with their children or family members. Talk to a death doula, end of life planner, estate attorney or financial advisor to help you start or complete the process. Do research online (Trust & Will has an extensive library of information!) that will help educate you.
The more informed you feel, the easier it will be to make the best plan for you and yours.
At Trust & Will, we’re here to help keep things simple. You can create a fully customizable, state-specific estate plan from the comfort of your own home in just 20 minutes. Take our free quiz to see where you should get started, or compare our different estate planning and settlement options today!
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Trust & Will is an online service providing legal forms and information. We are not a law firm and we do not provide legal advice.
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