The holidays can be a time of glee. At the same time, being surrounded by family and friends can also be laced with landmines that sometimes create tension and lead to lasting rifts.
A recent Trust & Will survey found that approximately 40 percent of families have fights during holiday get-togethers and one third of these issues can lead to lasting breaks in the family network.
Financial advisors in the Trust & Will Financial Advisor Contributor program want to set people up for success when they have conversations about estate planning with their families. So, grab some eggnog and get to know 5 tips that will help promote family harmony.
Tip #1: Remember Loved Ones Who Passed
“Depending on family dynamics and the type of event, one of the ways to bridge into the conversation is while remembering ancestors and their legacies,” said Al Faber, CFP, of Woodson Wealth Management.
Recalling fond memories of Great Uncle Tony swimming daily—well into his 80s—or Grandma Helen’s famous kielbasa is a lighter way to broach the subject. Fond memories can soften people and help them feel more vulnerable. By leveraging existing estate plan-related experiences, you may find that your loved ones will be more willing to share their wishes for end-of-life and after they pass away.
Given some families’ geographic distance, the holidays can be one of the few instances that bring people together. This can make it the right time to have these important conversations.
“For larger families or multi-generational ones, the holidays may be one of the few and only times of the year that everyone is physically in the same place,” explained Vinee Mehta, founder of Truly Unbiased.
Tip #2: Better To Have The Conversation Now Than Never
In some cases, estate planning conversations can be straightforward and productive. Other times, they can be charged with topics like inheritance and end-of-life care.
“I suggest that they keep the conversation light and matter of fact, rather than asking others about their estate plans or being preachy,” Faber said.
And from the standpoint of Garrett Harper, CFP, founder of Harper Financial Strategies, it’s better to have the conversation with your family so they understand your thought process, rather than presuming they will comprehend in your absence.
“I encourage people to be open about their long-term estate plans because, at the end of the day, it will come to be as we all pass away someday,” Harper said. “At that time, the more the next generation understands about why the estate plan was the way it was set up, the smoother the outcome.”
Even better when the generation directly impacted by the estate plan – the healthcare decision makers or heirs – can voice their opinions and concerns ahead of estate plan execution.
“Families who have a formalized plan—that the next generation gets to have a say in before it becomes set in place—continue to have Thanksgiving dinners together,” Harper noted.
Tip #3: Show Them Your Plan
Since estate planning can be a touchy subject, Cary Bazan, Financial Advisor at Mutual of Omaha, suggests that if you’re going to see loved ones over the holidays that you don’t see regularly, then bring your plan with you.
“I brought copies of estate planning documents for them to keep on file,” Bazan said of a recent gathering. “It is amazing how seeing your name on a document to become a guardian of a minor makes people really think about their own plan or lack of a plan.”
Tip #4: Talk About Guardianship and The Future
“If you’re in the process of choosing a guardian for your children, talking with the grandparents during a visit can be a great opportunity,” said Charles Thomas III, CFP, founder of Intrepid Eagle Finance. “For families with an estate plan already in place, it can be a good time to confirm the individuals you’ve chosen for key parts of your estate plan. It’s also a chance for that person to raise their hand if they’ve changed their mind or feel someone else could better serve in that capacity.”
Tip #5: A Gift that Lasts: Give the Gift of Legacy this Holiday Season
An estate plan could even be a gift for a loved one if you know that they don’t already have one in place, Mehta suggests. Paying for their planning fees or gifting sessions with a financial advisor can go further for a person than a shirt that will eventually be outgrown or go out of style.
“An effective estate plan requires interactive communication which takes time and, in many cases, multiple discussions,” Mehta said. “People are so busy these days that sometimes the holidays are the only time to have discussions like this.” However you decide or don’t decide to bring up estate planning with your loved ones this holiday season, enjoy the time you have with people—time spent together is a gift unto itself.
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